i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
