What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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