Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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