when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
