A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
