YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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