so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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