My room smells like vodka and shame
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
