I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
