Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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