I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
