Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
