I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
