I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
