I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
