DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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