Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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