Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
