Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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