Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
