Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
