Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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