I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
