I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
