My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
