I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
