Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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