I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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