her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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