her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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