My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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