PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
