So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
