We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
