note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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