Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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