Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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