I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
