I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
