Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
my poor anus
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
