Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
