I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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