big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
