Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
nutella sex= disaster
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
