I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
