I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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