She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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