She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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