Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
