my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
