I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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