dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
