So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
