I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
