just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
