Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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