Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
