Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize