I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
