If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The air taste purple.
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