So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
