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Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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