i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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