Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
