And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
