so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
