Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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