Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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